Home is where you love to hate
to get back to it again and RobertaSue was not looking
Uncle Fred always drank too
many martinis before dinner and his eyelids froze at half-mast, but he was a
kind drunk and tried not to cause a fuss. Well, he always went into details of
the Battle of Corregidor where he lost way too many buddies it must have been a
horrible experience except that we have heard this tale way too many
times. He always winds up in tears
and has to be sent to the guestroom bedroom to sleep it off before pumpkin pie
is served. His wife, Aunt Fanny,
is a piece of work, husky as a Russian farmwife and the manners to match. She
sits in front of her dish, piled high with plenty of biscuits, potatoes and
gravy and with both elbows on the table dives into the mountain of calories
before grace is even finished.
Their son, Wes the policeman,
must have a stressful job because he, too, always drinks too much and by the
time he finishes the last bite of turkey and gravy his face hits his plate and
he is deep into slumber.
RobertaSue really hates these
holiday dinners but it is the only time they are all together and she always
hopes that things will be pleasant rather than a series of emotional
catastrophes like pelting hail on a tin roof which never seems to stop.
RobertaSues parents haven’t
spoken to each other in 10 years and only leave notes on a blackboard. If the phone rings and her mother picks
it up and the call is for her father, her mother has a bike horn that she
blasts three times and leaves the receiver on the table top. Her dad can’t even remember what the
original disagreement was but her mother is still so mad she spits nails when
they share a table at mealtime.
When they have no guests they both eat at different places, her dad
propped up on his Banka lounger Chair and her mom sits at the kitchen table.
RobertaSue thanks the gods that
she left home before her parents got into the original fight. They will talk to her on the phone but
she can’t ask about the other ones while they are visiting on the phone. She
finds the whole thing exhausting and wonders of there might be some way she
could avoid those monstrous family gatherings.
The only one she really likes
in her maiden Aunt Rosy, with such a sweet disposition and temper who just
smiles that angelic smile while disaster after disaster unfolds at the table.
She just pays no regard to the fireworks and mad evil slinging of barbs among
relatives. RobertaSue wishes she were more
like Aunt Rosy and wonderful how she manages a shield to bounce anger pain and
meanness off her. Aunt Rosy spent
about five years in the Convent of the Lady of the Sparkling Lake and was
pretty much on her way to becomes a full fledges nun when the bishop caused a
scandal by running away with the Mother Superior, shocking the community and
blasting the foundations of the local Catholic Church, “Our lady of Fatima”. Aunt Rosy cast off her black dress and
white wimple and threw the five pound cross she wore around her neck into the
deepest part of Sparkling Lake.
She then enrolled in library
school because she was expertly trained to be a quite person. Her job was a little difficult at times
when the church put out a list of banned books. Aunt Rosy removed the banned books to her simply apartment
and read each one in detail, and wondered why the Church has objections to
them.
RobertaSue promised herself
that she would not get into a roaring disagreement with any family member
around the dinner table and would not react to any negative comments sniped her
way. Upon entering the front door,
laden down with bags of food her dad said, “Looks like you have packed on the
pounds, sweetie, better hit the gym soon.”
“Sure Dad.” she replied.
Mom greeter her with, “What
have you done to your hair?” with a scowl.
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